Doris Karloff, My MOT and the Bare Naked Ladies

Blogghurts,

NOTE TO SELF: After three years of hell I need a break.
Exactly four years ago today I was in China, on the Great Wall, getting ready for Chinese New Year...gosh.

I arrived early at Burton on Sunday to get train up to Newcastle for my three month 'MOT' on my new lungs. ('Mark's Breathe Bags')

I got on and, although my ticket had her seat number on it a woman refused to move saying. ‘I have two kids…I paid 80 quid for my ticket….We are not going to stand….blah blah blah’. She was common as muck and twice as ugly!

So having two brats on the train entitles you to sit on seats other people have paid for does it? I have no patience with people like her.

I couldn’t be arsed to go into the reasons why I deserve the seat more than her. She is obviously of such a low social class….she wouldn’t understand if I used whole words.

People on the train glared at her, looked at me with sympathy and turned back to their papers. There were ‘knowing’ glances.

They were all glad it wasn’t them facing Doris Karloff and her little Frankensteins!

I looked for an official. A helpful woman reading a Bible, pointed out where the guard was, who told me I could sit in First Class Accommodation instead. Result! Upgrade!

If trailer-trash Trishia hadn’t lost her temper she could have been there! Karma works!

I got to the hospital about four hours later to be told that I had to stay in a flat, a good walk from the hospital, because I could only stay in the ward following the biopsy.

Of course not knowing this I hadn’t brought my nebulising machine, because on the ward, we can put the drugs through the oxygen on the walls.

I spent the evening in a lounge where the coffee machine didn’t work, drinking Diet Coke and writing. It’s a great feeling to get one’s thoughts out onto a page.

I set my alarm for 5.30am on Monday morning as my appointment was at 7.30am and I wanted a shower (at the end of the corridor, just like being back at university!)

There was a cold walk to the hospital (shiver me timbers it did!) and I was on ‘nil by mouth’ so not even the comfort of a coffee (violins please!)

I was first in the queue so when I took the ticket I was one of the first to be seen. I would much rather get it all over with.

I was weighed, prodded, blood taken (loads of it!) I waited until x-ray opened and had an x-ray. I did the various lung function tests.

My FEV1 level is now up to 2.71 – Things are definitely going in the right direction. It is up several percent since last time.

Then I undressed and got into a gown, they put a venflon into my hand and I lay back on the table in the theatre. A few seconds after the ‘sleepy juice’ was injected, I was drowsy. zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I vaguely remember little bits of the biopsy. The numbing spray down my mouth and nose I can still taste - ‘bananas’ if anyone’s interested!

I woke up in ward 27 attached to oxygen. But thankfully this was removed as soon as I was sitting up in bed. My SATS were back up to 98% and I was ready to rumble.

The rest of the afternoon, evening and night was spent writing my journal, poems and the basis of FIVE songs (I hope nobody ever sees them as two are about a real friend, who doesn’t know I write songs about them!) and a long letter to someone who will get it soon, probably.

The night was a nightmare. Everyone in the ward seemed to have a farting and burping problem – or do all men of a certain age do this at night? Will I one day end up like this? If I do and I am in bed with you....kick me out!

I couldn’t sleep. Hence why I was writing so much! I gave up trying to sleep.

I only had Depeche Mode, The Arctic Monkeys, Gang Away and Dion Jones albums with me so they were all on rotation.

The next morning I had a walking test. I have six minutes to walk up and down a corridor while my readings are being taken. I did 530metres - in November it was 280.

The waiting room is good as I do get to chat with people in a similar position

One guy with CF had a double lung transplant 14 years ago. Wow….I didn’t know they DID double lung transplants that long ago. Apparently he was the sixth! He looked great.

Another man and I chatted and he was saying, just what I do, that the worst thing about being ill was the lack of dignity, not being able to work, have the energy for social functions, romance and is his case his children. I just totally agreed.

We also felt guilty about people looking after us when we should be looking after other people. He said not being able to play with his young son made him feel less of a man.

I said coming through what he has been through and appreciating each moment with his offspring probably made him more of one.

He is doing what I plan to do in the next few weeks, while we are continuing our recovery but before we are given the go-ahead to go back to work – Go visiting!

He had his transplant only weeks before me and he is already criss-crossing the country and has a check list of things to do and places to go. l I think this is a great idea. Any suggestions for mine?

What should I do and where should I go as soon as I feel up to it? - answers on the back of a soggy beer mat to....

The consultant was nice. He told me everything was ok and reduced some drugs. He said when I could get off painkillers I could consider driving again. That’s an incentive!

I have to try and take out one drug every few days. It will be hard as I am still in pain, especially first thing in the morning. (Well they did break all my ribs!)

I got off the bus early and went to Primark in Newcastle but underestimated the distance between the shop and the station. I was exhausted by the time I got there.

On the train back I found my ticket entitled me to First Class. I didn’t remember booking 1st class, just the cheapest. Well it was great. I got served free snacks and drinks.

Although I did feel a little scruffy and young between the business types talking into their laptops and typing into their phones – and visa versa.

By the time I got home - I am glad mum drove me back from Burton - I was falling asleep – I was knackered.

But there was good news when I got home. I had won a weekend pass for a health centre!

I also got a very cute postcard of a cat from two very cute friends. Bless. Love you people!

It has been a long couple of days. I didn’t feel particularly happy or blessed that all my tests seem to have gone well, just the numbness of feeling I have to do it all again soon. I bet I sound really ungrateful don’t I? Sorry!

I am now continuing my morning cycle rides and should really concentrate 100 per cent on getting fit, rather than worry about my journalism work. I am doing bits and bobs but I should get my priorities right.

After all, what I do now will effect how well my lungs function for years to come. I can go back to work anytime.

But I can't help it. I have to keep busy. If I didn't keep writing and doing stuff I would feel guilty. Perhaps there is some Roman Catholic somewhere in the family eh?

I am starting to socialise and get out again more (although looking back over the blog it doesn't look as if I have ever stopped).

A photographer from The Post newspaper is coming along tomorrow (Friday) to take my picture for an article on my progress. If it goes on the web I'll send you a link.

I am also going to Cannock to this health centre to have a look around. Somebody called ‘Kelly’ will show me round. I already have a mental image of this person. lol

Saturday night I am going Greyhound Racing with some friends from the cricket club. I have never been before.

By a strange coincidence I got a call from Phil Stimpson to say Jim’s stag night in April will involve go-kart racing, greyhound racing followed by a night on Broad Street in Birmingham. (And a night in a hotel ) What is it with me and dogs at the moment? Note to female friends: I didn't mean anything by that!

Oh yes Miss CC I will try and win you a house……can you win houses at ‘the dogs’? lol If not I’ll bring you something back!

Anyone remember that 'Bare Naked Ladies' song 'If I Had $1,000,000' with the lines, 'If I Had $1,000,000 I would buy you a house'? Ok...never mind.

If I win the Lottery I will buy us both a house. We can even have a hot tub with loads of bubbles. Bubbles rock (almost as much as glitter!

I am still hoping for a little kitten asap. Cannock and Burntwood Cats Protection League will call us when one comes to them. When we do get one she will have an ‘At Home’ so everyone can meet her!

I want to get to know the new cat before I move away again - which normally happens when we get new pets!

Oh yes. I popped into Tamworth College, the Burntwood bit, and had a chat to the IT staff. I did my ECDL and Clait Plus computer qualifications there at evening classes.

I have decided to do the ECDL Advanced. Big scary difficult stuff….I start on Tuesday night. (If I remember to bring my course fees with me!)

Just come back from Lichfield. Went to TT and bought Moby single. I love Moby. But not in the Liberal Democrat sense!

Anyway chums. I will love you and leave you as I have invoices to fill out....oh the joy... and rice to eat! Anyone up to anything for Chinese New Year? Ciao!

MUSIC Depeche Mode, The Arctic Monkeys, Gang Away and Dion Jones